John Cooper Clarke's profanity strewn finest. Personally I don't remember this episode of Doctor Who...
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Christopher Eccleston's Battlecry
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Under Fives
Well, CP Under Sixteens for an under two. Jakey boy, who's partial to a bit of baby Ralph Lauren and also boasts a nice collection of Clarks, got his first bit of fine Italian sportswear recently. Lovely little purchase from eBay for less than the price of a stamp. 99p for as new CP Company zip up sweat.
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Hartlepool v Darlington
Hartlepool are now effectively without rivals after the original Darlington FC were wound up following relegation from the Conference. The new club, forced to play in the Northern League (a full seven divisions below Pools League One), and their fans no doubt harbour the same kind of animosity towards us. But if they don't make a swift return to the Football League then it'll be one of those forgotten rivalrys, as the younger generation come through unknowing - I mean how many kids at Stoke City realise Port Vale are supposed to be their rivals, not West Brom or Wolves?
Then a few years later Darlo were going places with the squad most division two teams would have been envious of. Led by Premiership loanee Craig Russell and poacher Marco Gabbiadini the Quakers shot up the league and were much fancied when they made the playoff final (beating Pools in the semis). Their fans were singing 'Are you watching Hartlepool?'. Yes we were. And were laughing when Peterborough won.
The wheels fell off after that. That squad was disbanded as chairman Reynolds put his money into the new stadium, not players wages. I strongly believe if his policy was the opposite then Darlo would probably be an established Championship team now, such was the momentum behind that squad. The stadium would have come when could have filled it with new fans from the large catchment area of south Co Durham and North Yorkshire. But they wouldn't come to watch Third Division football. And they didn't.
In later years it was Pools who were going places. Either in League One above Darlo or top of League Two while they struggled. The last league meeting at Darlo in 2007 resulted in a thumping 3-0 rout for Pools, including the best goal ever seen by Eifion Williams. Bar a League cup clash the following year at the Vic (3-1 to United) that's it for meetings between the two clubs.
Darlo went out of the league and had to do all they could to stay afloat - I remember reading an offer where if you bought an executive box for a season, your company name was put into a hat to become the shirt sponsors. Thought at the time is it worth my life savings to watch my rivals play with my company name of 'Darlo R Shit' plastered on their shirts?
New owners came and went with trouble on and off the field, but with one common denominator - a vast money sapping empty stadium. Except the highlight of FA Trophy win in 2011 the club hit the ultimate low when it folded a year later, being forced to set up as new and thus condemning themselves to being relegated further down the pyramid. They reformed as Darlo 1883 and sensibly elected to move away from Darlington, groundsharing at Bishop Auckland for now, but with a target of trying to move back to Feethams.
It's a strange feeling I have. Used to have a seething hatred of Darlo, but now it's impossible to summon up that kind of bile for both a new club and a non league one at that. They're enjoying life again - playing good football with a decent squad of ex pros for that level, getting a good gate every game and are currently unbeaten this season. I actually want my ex rivals I had an irrational hatred of to do well. And the painful thing is it doesn't pain me to say it.
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Recent Purchases
A few bits and pieces picked up by the usual thifty means -
First up my dream jacket. One True Saxon Jungle Marsh Parka in brown. Don't care that OTS is now defunct after selling out to the man, this is classic OTS gear when it was at it's finest. Seen these come and go on eBay and I've never managed to land one. Managed to snare this one for under a score (then a bit postage). Quality colourway for upcoming autumn and has some smart features, including more pockets than a kebab shop sized pack of pitta breads, and a basic watch viewer (A short zip on each sleeve, not in same league as CP windows mind). Pleased as punch.
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Next having sold a couple of Ralph shirts due to poor sizing, felt I'd left myself open to exposure on the shirting front. Was after a gingham tuktuk in summer sale but missed out on the email informing me on increased reduction, so by the time I'd logged on at tea time all the fat bastard sizes had gone. So picked up a couple of Wolsey's for the price of a pint each, again from eBay. Two nice designs with nice detailing on buttons.
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Final bit of clobber in this post is yet another Ralph polo (yawn). Again as per from TKM, my usual haunt for RL polo shirts. A baby yellow with green horse, feel very Brazilian in it despite the fact I haven't shaved. In the clearance for £18, not going to say no to that are you?
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Next up some bedtime/bogtime reading. Got issue #11 of Proper a couple of months ago, fairly late in the day for how long it's been out. Just hadn't got round to getting it. The plus side of that move was I didn't have to wait long for number 12. And just the other day an eagerly anticipated Stand Against Modern Football plopped through the letterbox.
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Finally a daft little piece. A good few years ago Football Focus did a feature weekly on every clubs top cult heroes - voted for by the fans. This is the book that goes with it. Found in poundland of all places, although I can't remember how much I paid...
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First up my dream jacket. One True Saxon Jungle Marsh Parka in brown. Don't care that OTS is now defunct after selling out to the man, this is classic OTS gear when it was at it's finest. Seen these come and go on eBay and I've never managed to land one. Managed to snare this one for under a score (then a bit postage). Quality colourway for upcoming autumn and has some smart features, including more pockets than a kebab shop sized pack of pitta breads, and a basic watch viewer (A short zip on each sleeve, not in same league as CP windows mind). Pleased as punch.
Next having sold a couple of Ralph shirts due to poor sizing, felt I'd left myself open to exposure on the shirting front. Was after a gingham tuktuk in summer sale but missed out on the email informing me on increased reduction, so by the time I'd logged on at tea time all the fat bastard sizes had gone. So picked up a couple of Wolsey's for the price of a pint each, again from eBay. Two nice designs with nice detailing on buttons.
Final bit of clobber in this post is yet another Ralph polo (yawn). Again as per from TKM, my usual haunt for RL polo shirts. A baby yellow with green horse, feel very Brazilian in it despite the fact I haven't shaved. In the clearance for £18, not going to say no to that are you?
Next up some bedtime/bogtime reading. Got issue #11 of Proper a couple of months ago, fairly late in the day for how long it's been out. Just hadn't got round to getting it. The plus side of that move was I didn't have to wait long for number 12. And just the other day an eagerly anticipated Stand Against Modern Football plopped through the letterbox.
Finally a daft little piece. A good few years ago Football Focus did a feature weekly on every clubs top cult heroes - voted for by the fans. This is the book that goes with it. Found in poundland of all places, although I can't remember how much I paid...
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Stand AMF
Is it just me or is there a lot of fanzine/mags coming out of late? And they all seem to stem from a disloving of our national game in some form or other. Those dapper gents at Proper mag now prefer their journalism, rambling and real ale, but they had became disallusioned with football long before Stockport County's football league demise. Putting their efforts into the excellent Proper (and Connoisseur Co) with splendid results doesn't leave much time for football. Next up 1500 magazine was released to be distributed at football grounds for supporters do have something half decent to read, rather than the club propaganda churned out in glossy £5 an issue programmes. Even the majority of fanzines have become less of the fans views as the editors bend over for club and take one so they can get interviews etc.
So this leads me to the next publication, which doesn't so much nail it's colours to the mast, but hoists a massive red socialist flag to right to the very top for all the fat cats and money men to see and fear - ladies and gentlemen (but mainly gents) I give you Stand Against Modern Football . And it is a mag put together by like minded individuals from all walks of life - supporters of Premier League teams through to non league/foreign and even the odd ex professional footballer - all with the same view. That modern football is shit.
The magazine sets out it's stall by calling itself after something that has become outlawed in modern football. Standing. "Pay up, sit down, shut up, fuck off". That's modern football. And even the odd ground where terracing remains it's overpriced. They talk about living costs and property prices spiraling out of control but I'd dare say the cost of standing has overtaken the rate of inflation - what used to cost a few quid pre 1992 is now (at Hartlepool at least) £20. Same facilities, same ground, same standard of football somehow equals increased price.
This magazine has been coming awhile as more and more get fed up, and in fact it astonishes me that is hasn't come out sooner. The football league has been shafted since 1992 when the breakaway league pulled the ladder up and stopped putting their gold in the sharing pot. It surprises me more clubs haven't gone to the wall in this 20 years period, although many have been, or and still are, threatened with it. Off the top of my head Chester, Halifax and Darlington have all been dissolved to be reformed in the non league pyramid, hearts ripped out of community. But this is what the moneymen wanted, to cut away the dead ducks and make their own businesses more profitable. The likes of C(unt) Martin Edwards himself said in the late 80s that "for the good of the game, they need to be put to sleep".
And where there's a buck to be made even football league teams are guilty of following the Premiership clubs. The template now is to have a souless concrete all seater bowl on the edge of the town in an industrial estate, miles away from the community it serves, whilst the centrally located, run down and ramshackle, but much loved old ground is bulldozed to make flats. Or even the once unthinkable worse case scenario is to have the club taken away and bastardised in attempt to make it more profitable/attractive, as what happened to supporters of Wimbledon when the owners changed them to Franchise FC in Milton Keynes with the full backing of the FA. Delighted to see MK continue to struggle in the lower reaches of the spectrum.
It's all about the money and always will be. The fans are just seen as open wallets to be exploited. The likes of SKY pumps the money in meaning the foreign players came in. Yes the standard of football has increased I'll admit that. But at what cost? Cost! Inflated player wages that the English players also receive by default because 'Johnny foreigner does' but have they improved their game? Have they fuck. Time and time again watching England is a shit experience because the players just haven't advanced or developed. They take this money and they're tactically at the same level they were 20-30 years ago. They're still inept and just plain crap. They're frauds.
Anyway I've gone off on one. Stand AMF is a top mag and it's been needed. And I'll be stood below their red flag saluting and taking arms when the revolution arrives. And arrive it will.
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Image of The Day
Paul Heaton's barber does a ''Ruski'' job...
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Concert Live
I first became aware of this company when waiting for Madness to come out at the arena in 2006. Adverts were plastered all over stating Concert Live were recording the gig and that'd it be copied, pressed and wrappedready for purchase some 20 minutes after the Nutty Boys left their encore.
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I bought the said CD, albeit later from their website. All the crowd chants, Suggs's cheeky banter and the interuption 30 seconds into NW5 (The biggest bra in the world was thrown on stage and they had to stop playing such was their mirth) were all on there. A great momento of the evening because let's be honest, for as much as you enjoyed yourself, you'd had one or three beforehand, everything is a bit fuzzy during and then you struggle to remember the track listing the next day.
Imagine my delight when on the recent Mondays reunion they were doing the same. Not at every venue like Madness but just the close gig at Brixton. Good enough for me, same setlist and quality tunes as were played at Newcastle for their opening night. Shaun Ryder's sweary banter inbetween songs and Rowetta's sexy grunting on 'Bobs Your Uncle' were all there and similar in London as it was to Toon. Greatest hits meets Pills N Thrills plus unoriginal line up gem Jellybean. Superb for fifteen quid, reliving one of the best gigs I've been too whilst on iPod on way to work.
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I bought the said CD, albeit later from their website. All the crowd chants, Suggs's cheeky banter and the interuption 30 seconds into NW5 (The biggest bra in the world was thrown on stage and they had to stop playing such was their mirth) were all on there. A great momento of the evening because let's be honest, for as much as you enjoyed yourself, you'd had one or three beforehand, everything is a bit fuzzy during and then you struggle to remember the track listing the next day.
Imagine my delight when on the recent Mondays reunion they were doing the same. Not at every venue like Madness but just the close gig at Brixton. Good enough for me, same setlist and quality tunes as were played at Newcastle for their opening night. Shaun Ryder's sweary banter inbetween songs and Rowetta's sexy grunting on 'Bobs Your Uncle' were all there and similar in London as it was to Toon. Greatest hits meets Pills N Thrills plus unoriginal line up gem Jellybean. Superb for fifteen quid, reliving one of the best gigs I've been too whilst on iPod on way to work.
- Loose Fit
- Kinky Afro
- Dennis and Lois
- Donovan
- God's Cop
- Judge Fudge
- 24 Hour Party People
- Rave On
- Cowboy Dave
- Hallelujah
- Bob's Yer Uncle
- Holiday
- Mad Cyril
- Step On
- Jellybean
- W.F.L
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Skinhead Moodboard
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Only Pools and Norses
Hartlepool have been owned by Norwegian based oil company Increased Oil Recovery (IOR) for nearly fifteen years now. And throughout those years the Pools ranks have often been occupied by Scandinavian players with unpronounceable names. Most of them came over in the late 90s when Pools desperately needed reshaping but the odd Norse pops up even today. I've got them all here, all with varying degrees of success - the top ten Poolie Norwegians.
10) Tommy Knarvik
Probably the best Norwegian never to play for United. U21 international Tommy arrived on trial in the summer of 2001 after his release from Leeds United. He made only two league appearances for Leeds, which was considerably more than he made for us. Presumably we couldn't afford him as he went home to Norway and played for some big clubs over there including Brann and Viking. Still currently playing for Bodo/Glimt, with some 250 plus total Tippelagen games to his name.
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9) Stig Olav Larsen
One of the first players of the viking invasion of 1997, yet the one who made the least impact. Surprising as he seemed to fit the ideals of at late 90s division three striker - big and strong with little skill. On loan to us from Fana IL in December 1997 he made only 5 appearance, all as sub. Released May 1998
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8) Rune Vindheim
A central defender who I always thought was dutch for some reason. Was the only norwegan to arrive at Hartlepool from another English club - Burnley. He'd been plying his trade in his home country with Brann, Sogndal and Fana before arriving at Turf Moor in 98/99. He made only eight appearances for the Clarets, making his debut at Maine Road and his last at in a local derby with Preston. He also managed to net two goals. He came to Pools at the start of 99/00 on a short term contract to cover the injured Gary Strodder, and made his debut in a 3-0 win over Plymouth. He played fairly well in his seven starts without really standing out. Boss Chris Turner tried to sort him out with a longer term deal but negotiations didn't go well, and by that time Strodder was back and Chris Westwood outstanding, so Rune's contract was allowed to expire. He returned to Norway and later became manager of Fana in 2010.
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7) Thomas Tennebo
One word to some this lad up. Unfortunate. Yet another player to arrive from Fana in summer 1999, this central midfielder looked very promising in his three week trial. Made a superb debut away at Carlisle and took only three minutes to make the assist for the opening goal. Didn't play much after that, picking up a horrendous knee injury that kept him out the rest of 99/00. He returned to play another ten games of so but didn't look the same and returned home to Fana in 2001. Still turning out for Arstad IL where he's been since 2008.
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6) Jon Andre Fredriksen
One of the more recent vikings to play for United. Having played for Rade and Moss, he arrived at Pools from Sarpsborg in summer 2009. A midfielder who could be used in middle or on the left, I saw him play Sheff Wed in a friendly I could tell he wouldn't be with us long. Looked too slight and not strong enough for League One. Didn't see him play again after that, but think I was proven right as he made only 12 appearances before his contract was mutually terminated in October 2010. Returned home to Moss.
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5) Tim Sperrevik
A big strong striker gave the Pools defence a torrid time in a pre-season friendly at Fana. He duly arrived on trial at Pools and was given a two year contract. Failed to find the form he had showed playing against Pools and struggled to settle in England. Was given a fair few chances in the team, four starts and 11 subs and scoring just once. 'Spunky' though became a bit of a cult hero of mine though, as he always tried his hardest. Despite failing to settle in this country he picked up the swear words easily, which he showed when he was sent off at Brighton for verbally abusing the ref. Returned home to Fana.
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4) Armann Bjornsson
Ok I'm cheating a bit here - Bjornsson is Icelandic - but I was struggling for ten Norwegians, but he's still a Scandinavian. Albeit not the best. I remember being fairly excited when he came to us. Had played for some big Scandinavian clubs in Lillestrom, Bran and FH and had a few international caps to his name, plus I'd signed him once on Champ Man and had done pretty well. Made his debut in a 1-1 draw with Wycombe in 2009. Scored his first goal at Elland Road, Pools only of the game. Unfortunately Leeds scored four. After pre-season 2010 Chris Turner pinned hopes of him becoming the big target man Pools had required for a good number of years, and he started in the first game of the season away at Rochdale. And was shit. By far the worst player in Pools colours. Made only 18 appearances for Pools, scoring three. Was voted in a FourFourTwo supplement recently as Hartlepool's worst ever foreign player. And he made it into my top five. Shows the calibre of the Norwegians who have turned out for us...
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3) Rune Lange
Certainly the one of the biggest names to played for Hartlepool and he makes it into the top three on reputation only, not what he did in a United shirt. Was a big name in Norway and had played at the highest level in Turkey with Trabzonspor and in Belgium with Club Brugge. In fact with Brugge he'd netted some 50 odd goals in just over a hundred appearances, winning his sole international cap whilst there. He came to Pools from Valerenga in 2008/09 and the 32 year old target man looked promising in draws with Walsall and Leicester. He scored against MK Dons but his shoulder was badly injured in the same game and that was the end of his Pools career. He returned to fitness but was not offered a new contract. A shame.
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2) Martin Hollund
Former U21 international Martin arrived from Brann on a free transfer in winter 1997 and finally put and end to Pools goalkeeping issues. Since 1995 we'd used about ten different custodians. He spent the first month at United without a contract but did enough to convince the board he was worthy of a deal. Made a solid debut in a 2-0 over Barnet, the first of 117 Poolie games between the sticks. A good shot stopper with superb reactions, however was indecisive when coming out to catch crosses. Had a minor blip in 1998/99 when Pools were rock bottom of the league and was suffering with low confidence - boss Mick Tait told Hollund he had no future at Hartlepool, opting to play Tasmanian Simon Miotto instead. Eight games later Tait was sacked and caretaker boss Brian Honour reinstated Hollund and with some solid appearances helped us avoid relegation. Eventually ousted of first team duties by Tony Williams in 2001, he transferred to home country club Lov-Ham as keeper, but also curiously playing as a striker for non league Bremnes IL. Retired in 2007 but due to lack of playing staff was Lov-Hams bench keeper in 2010 and made an apperance as sub in 2011 when their first choice was sent off. Holds the distinction of most appearances for a Norwegian for Pools. A legend.
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1) Jan Ove Pedersen
Played only 17 games for Hartlepool but ask any Poolie who saw him play and they'll tell you he was pure class. Regularly features in Hartlepool best XI sides despite his low games tally. Arrived on loan from Brann during the Norway winter break, in order to keep fit and make a push for Norway's World Cup 98 squad. Don't think he ever made it to France but we're pleased he made it to French monkey hangering Hartlepool. A cultured midfielder who'd represented Norway at every international level from U15 to full seniors - 17 caps and a goal at full level - and it showed he was a class act, better than anyone Hartlepool had ever had and arguably have had since. Looked a cut above the shower of shite surrounding him, and was made to look daft at times as the rest of the squad weren't on the same wave length. Still his skills shone through turning Pools fortunes around, as the relegation favourites took the league by storm...and finished 17th. Scored a quality goal at home to Darlo which sticks out in my mind. The fans wanted him to stay but it was never going to happen, and he went home to Brann. Summer 1999 Pools made a rather audacious attempt to bring Peds back, offering him £3000 a week and Brann £50k. But Brann stalled allowing Austrian side Bregnez to table a £60k bid and he promptly joined them, a club he would later go on to manage. The ultimate Hartlepool United cult hero (of any nationality).
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10) Tommy Knarvik
Probably the best Norwegian never to play for United. U21 international Tommy arrived on trial in the summer of 2001 after his release from Leeds United. He made only two league appearances for Leeds, which was considerably more than he made for us. Presumably we couldn't afford him as he went home to Norway and played for some big clubs over there including Brann and Viking. Still currently playing for Bodo/Glimt, with some 250 plus total Tippelagen games to his name.
9) Stig Olav Larsen
One of the first players of the viking invasion of 1997, yet the one who made the least impact. Surprising as he seemed to fit the ideals of at late 90s division three striker - big and strong with little skill. On loan to us from Fana IL in December 1997 he made only 5 appearance, all as sub. Released May 1998
8) Rune Vindheim
A central defender who I always thought was dutch for some reason. Was the only norwegan to arrive at Hartlepool from another English club - Burnley. He'd been plying his trade in his home country with Brann, Sogndal and Fana before arriving at Turf Moor in 98/99. He made only eight appearances for the Clarets, making his debut at Maine Road and his last at in a local derby with Preston. He also managed to net two goals. He came to Pools at the start of 99/00 on a short term contract to cover the injured Gary Strodder, and made his debut in a 3-0 win over Plymouth. He played fairly well in his seven starts without really standing out. Boss Chris Turner tried to sort him out with a longer term deal but negotiations didn't go well, and by that time Strodder was back and Chris Westwood outstanding, so Rune's contract was allowed to expire. He returned to Norway and later became manager of Fana in 2010.
7) Thomas Tennebo
One word to some this lad up. Unfortunate. Yet another player to arrive from Fana in summer 1999, this central midfielder looked very promising in his three week trial. Made a superb debut away at Carlisle and took only three minutes to make the assist for the opening goal. Didn't play much after that, picking up a horrendous knee injury that kept him out the rest of 99/00. He returned to play another ten games of so but didn't look the same and returned home to Fana in 2001. Still turning out for Arstad IL where he's been since 2008.
6) Jon Andre Fredriksen
One of the more recent vikings to play for United. Having played for Rade and Moss, he arrived at Pools from Sarpsborg in summer 2009. A midfielder who could be used in middle or on the left, I saw him play Sheff Wed in a friendly I could tell he wouldn't be with us long. Looked too slight and not strong enough for League One. Didn't see him play again after that, but think I was proven right as he made only 12 appearances before his contract was mutually terminated in October 2010. Returned home to Moss.
5) Tim Sperrevik
A big strong striker gave the Pools defence a torrid time in a pre-season friendly at Fana. He duly arrived on trial at Pools and was given a two year contract. Failed to find the form he had showed playing against Pools and struggled to settle in England. Was given a fair few chances in the team, four starts and 11 subs and scoring just once. 'Spunky' though became a bit of a cult hero of mine though, as he always tried his hardest. Despite failing to settle in this country he picked up the swear words easily, which he showed when he was sent off at Brighton for verbally abusing the ref. Returned home to Fana.
4) Armann Bjornsson
Ok I'm cheating a bit here - Bjornsson is Icelandic - but I was struggling for ten Norwegians, but he's still a Scandinavian. Albeit not the best. I remember being fairly excited when he came to us. Had played for some big Scandinavian clubs in Lillestrom, Bran and FH and had a few international caps to his name, plus I'd signed him once on Champ Man and had done pretty well. Made his debut in a 1-1 draw with Wycombe in 2009. Scored his first goal at Elland Road, Pools only of the game. Unfortunately Leeds scored four. After pre-season 2010 Chris Turner pinned hopes of him becoming the big target man Pools had required for a good number of years, and he started in the first game of the season away at Rochdale. And was shit. By far the worst player in Pools colours. Made only 18 appearances for Pools, scoring three. Was voted in a FourFourTwo supplement recently as Hartlepool's worst ever foreign player. And he made it into my top five. Shows the calibre of the Norwegians who have turned out for us...
3) Rune Lange
Certainly the one of the biggest names to played for Hartlepool and he makes it into the top three on reputation only, not what he did in a United shirt. Was a big name in Norway and had played at the highest level in Turkey with Trabzonspor and in Belgium with Club Brugge. In fact with Brugge he'd netted some 50 odd goals in just over a hundred appearances, winning his sole international cap whilst there. He came to Pools from Valerenga in 2008/09 and the 32 year old target man looked promising in draws with Walsall and Leicester. He scored against MK Dons but his shoulder was badly injured in the same game and that was the end of his Pools career. He returned to fitness but was not offered a new contract. A shame.
2) Martin Hollund
Former U21 international Martin arrived from Brann on a free transfer in winter 1997 and finally put and end to Pools goalkeeping issues. Since 1995 we'd used about ten different custodians. He spent the first month at United without a contract but did enough to convince the board he was worthy of a deal. Made a solid debut in a 2-0 over Barnet, the first of 117 Poolie games between the sticks. A good shot stopper with superb reactions, however was indecisive when coming out to catch crosses. Had a minor blip in 1998/99 when Pools were rock bottom of the league and was suffering with low confidence - boss Mick Tait told Hollund he had no future at Hartlepool, opting to play Tasmanian Simon Miotto instead. Eight games later Tait was sacked and caretaker boss Brian Honour reinstated Hollund and with some solid appearances helped us avoid relegation. Eventually ousted of first team duties by Tony Williams in 2001, he transferred to home country club Lov-Ham as keeper, but also curiously playing as a striker for non league Bremnes IL. Retired in 2007 but due to lack of playing staff was Lov-Hams bench keeper in 2010 and made an apperance as sub in 2011 when their first choice was sent off. Holds the distinction of most appearances for a Norwegian for Pools. A legend.
1) Jan Ove Pedersen
Played only 17 games for Hartlepool but ask any Poolie who saw him play and they'll tell you he was pure class. Regularly features in Hartlepool best XI sides despite his low games tally. Arrived on loan from Brann during the Norway winter break, in order to keep fit and make a push for Norway's World Cup 98 squad. Don't think he ever made it to France but we're pleased he made it to French monkey hangering Hartlepool. A cultured midfielder who'd represented Norway at every international level from U15 to full seniors - 17 caps and a goal at full level - and it showed he was a class act, better than anyone Hartlepool had ever had and arguably have had since. Looked a cut above the shower of shite surrounding him, and was made to look daft at times as the rest of the squad weren't on the same wave length. Still his skills shone through turning Pools fortunes around, as the relegation favourites took the league by storm...and finished 17th. Scored a quality goal at home to Darlo which sticks out in my mind. The fans wanted him to stay but it was never going to happen, and he went home to Brann. Summer 1999 Pools made a rather audacious attempt to bring Peds back, offering him £3000 a week and Brann £50k. But Brann stalled allowing Austrian side Bregnez to table a £60k bid and he promptly joined them, a club he would later go on to manage. The ultimate Hartlepool United cult hero (of any nationality).
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Hell's Waiting Room
Some of London's finest, and most notorious, Modernist estates...
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| The Aylesbury |
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| Rowley Walk, South Hampstead |
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| Brunswick, Camden |
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| Brunswick Cinema |
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| Heygate |
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| Barbican |
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| Barbican |
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| Barbican Towers |
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Chas Smash
The iconic 7th member of Madness, responsible for funky footwork and shouty secondary vocals, has his own website (currently under construction) giving you the insight in what it's like being Chas Smash. Be it performing on top of Buckingham Palace roof or the in Olympic stadia to ordinary life with family and friends, the website will offer you a backstage pass to the original, and slightly less drugged up, Bez...
www.chas-smash.com
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Club and Country
Hartlepool are almost rock bottom at the moment. 23rd propped up only by Bury. Seven points on the board. Rumour has it that there's a split in the camp. Since Cooper returned training schedules and times have changed, and a certain section of the squad are unhappy about this. I've had it on good authority that it's the Yorkshire based players who are causing the bother, they're traveling up, rabbiting in the car and not pulling their weight on the pitch. Player Power. Trying to get the manager sacked. However as chairman Ken Hodcroft has shown in the past with Chris Turner, he'll not pull the trigger irrationally when it's one of his pals in charge. And Cooper is a mate after what he achieved first time round at the club. So they've had the discussion and his job is safe. It could be a transfer overhaul come January - presuming Coops manages to chalk up enough points to keep the fans off his back. The big six pointer comes next Tuesday away at Bury...
So with Pools being, quite frankly, shite, watching your country might provide a welcome break. Me old man won a couple of San Marino tickets in the golf so cheap hotel and rail tickets booked and Oyster cards topped up, off we went. Looked forward to it with a new found sense of optimism not had since the early Sven days. Watching England back then was exciting, the so called 'Golden Generation' were going to win WC 2002, Euro 2004 and WC 2006 etc (for those who don't know the result - they didn't) and home games were played around the country, bringing the Three Lions to new England fans. However the Golden Generation are now Golden Oldies and the new lot don't look all that. Recent tournaments have been a disgrace and tactics poor. However when John 'I'm not racist' Terry (You are), captain and cunt, retires, then being England is something to be proud of again. And I guess others felt the same as Wembley was a sell out against a team of computer salesmen and bus drivers.
The new Wembley. Been before for 2008 Carling Cup final. It's a smashing stadium. And going against my AMF principles, we were actually in the posh seats. Not my fault, they were free. But it felt strange having a padded seat, leg room and a cup holder. However the view was unobstructed and clear, so settled down in some comfort. Got annoyed at half time though when went off to find a bovril and could only fine bottles of wine, Champagne or Coke at £3.
There was a lot of noise in the stadium prior to kick off but the carnival atmosphere gave way to the England band drumming, mexican waves and the biggest cheers reserved for Joe Hart touching the ball. Not the greatest of spectacles although my Spurs supporting Dad had a good chuckle when Walcott was taken off for what can only be described as a severe winding. For fucks sake a rugby player the other week ruptured a bollock in the opening minutes, carried on for 70 minutes and then had to have it removed. Walcott runs into the goalkeepers flying arse and has to be stretchered off and sent home.
San Marino parked the bus. Presumably their centre half using his day job experience there. Ten men in front of the goal and a surprising competant goalkeeper (who could and maybe should have been sent off). Job done in the end, five goals - worryingly less than both previous games against SM under Turnip Taylor - however didn't jump up for one. What was the point? We knew they were coming and were expected, so not going to jump around like a nut. First time I've not jumped up for goals since said 2008 Carling Cup final when me and said Spurs fan dad were in the Chelsea end. Said John Terry played that day too. Said racist.
Was good to see them live at Wembley. But enjoyable? Not really. And then drawing in Poland yesterday has brought me back down to earth with a bump. Hartlepool. England. Both shite. Football. It's a fucking joyless experience sometimes.
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Modern Football is Rubbish
#AMF
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The Madness
Also known as the embarrassment (excuse the pun) in Madness' history. The lesser known album/band has all but been whitewashed out of Madness back catalogue and their past.
After the Nutty Boys broke up in 1986 a few of the guys put together another band in 1988. Suggs, Chas, Lee and Chris went it alone, and wanted a new name for the venture - A new band with new music, leaving all the nutty madcap music behind them, music that didn't seem to feel right or have a place in late 80s Thatcher's Britain. The name they opted for was 'The Wasp Factory', after the Ian Banks novel of the same name they were all reading at the time. However an underground band already had that name and pleaded with them not to use it. So they didn't. And unimaginatively came up with putting the prefix 'The' before Madness.
By doing that though they shot themselves in the foot. This was going to be seen as a Madness album, so people would expect that nutty sound. And with the band having gone their seperate ways in 1986, this was going to be seen as their comeback. So if this was Madness where were Bedders, Barso and Woody? Those three members weren't given the chance to join as the other four did it behind their backs. In fact this left a sour taste in the mouth of Woody in particular (who was replaced by original lead singer John Hasler on drums), when a 1995 tour programme interview asked 'What was the biggest mistake Madness ever made?' he replied 'The Madness'.
He needn't have worried though. The Madness fell flat on their arse. The album, which I have had for years and never listened to fully, is as unimaginative as the band title. It's boring, subdued and plain. At best. It spawned two singles which both failed to reach the top 40. One of which was I Pronounce You. When the chaps were about to perform it on Friday Night Live and the lunatic Josie Lawrence was building them and the single up as nutty, Suggs and Chas had to admit that it 'hardly nutty at all'. Worse of all Ben Elton then introduced them as Madness and not The Madness. The song itself was the pick of the album but it was plodding and melancholic, thus mediocre at best. Strangely although it has never appeared on any Madness greatest hits album, it curiously appears on Divine Madness DVD.
So there you have it. The recent 'Oui Oui Si Si Ja Ja Da Da' is not the tenth studio album that Madness proclaim it is. It's actually the eleventh. Thanks to the embarrassing footnote that was The Madness. The Madness. It really was.
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Vintage Teapot
Only stumbled across Teapot Vintage after they started following me on Twitter. Thought the name was a bit strange so followed the link and came across a pretty exciting vintage clothing retailer based in Manchester. A quick root sees that it's predominantly for lasses but they got a fair few used one offs for blokes - labels like LL Bean, Barbour, Lacoste Izod and K-way making appearances at reasonable prices. Nowt much in my size at the moment but will be keeping tabs on this site from now on. They've got the mandatory blog to follow too...
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Recent Purchases
Few bits and pieces amassed during last couple of months -
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Aquascutum scarf. Had one of these for yonks but outed it on eBay and regretted it. I know the house check is a oft maligned thing these days, but 'Water shield' scarf is a classic. Picked up this lana wool one from TKM.
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Getting back into me skinhead gear - got a crombie jacket recently but couldn't get a decent photo of it - and this vintage houndstooth shirt fits the bill perfectly. It's by Ralph Lauren which obviously isn't traditional skinhead gear but it's got no branding and the staple button down collar. A winner for a bin lid off eBay.
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From the sublime to the faintly ridiculous. Another Ralph shirt (I do wear other brands I promise) with no branding but with a whacky design that could only be Lauren. Patchwork quilt 'Bob Camp' short sleeved button down, again for next to nowt offa fleabay.
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Chatham have been providing top notch quality boating gear for over two decades now. Based in Kent they've become a staple label for British designed and made technical clothing for offshore activities. Smart pair of brown deck shoes from TKM for £15.
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Break from the norm with these. Certainly never have been or never will be a plimsol wearer, and have previously scoffed at guys on forums claiming Supergra kicks are good. Still not a hundred percent on them, but they're comfy and will be decent for kicking around in. And couldn't resist from same TKM for £7. Daft money.
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Balls to all that half and half scarf nonsense. But don't mind flashing a bit of club and country. Got this Pools/England badge for the San Marino game back in October as I tried to get excited about national games again. Didn't work. And a steward mistook it for a Burnley badge.
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Issue two of Stand AMF. Issue No 1 sold out with a fortnight so was pleased got the second issue of the best magazine around at the moment. Worried I might of missed out as it went AWOL in the post but those #AMF lads sent out another one no questions asked.
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Slightly disappointing artwork and album title, but being a Madness die hard the incredibly positively named Oui Oui Si Si Ja Ja Da Da has been added to the stack of CDs. The nutty boys tenth studio album is a bit less exciting as some efforts, but still a couple of cracking tunes on it. The main single they're pushing 'My Girl 2' is a splendid blend of ska mixed with Northern Soul. Beautiful.
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Factory Records Graphic Album book. Wanted this for ages and the wife duly delivered with this on my birthday. Expect a post on this very very soon...
Break from the norm with these. Certainly never have been or never will be a plimsol wearer, and have previously scoffed at guys on forums claiming Supergra kicks are good. Still not a hundred percent on them, but they're comfy and will be decent for kicking around in. And couldn't resist from same TKM for £7. Daft money.
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FAC461 - Graphic Album
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Ten Reasons Why I hate Soccer AM...
1) Helen Chamberlain - She isn't, or never has been, that fit. People fucking rave about her, although I'm guessing it's mainly by the under age drinking brigade, who's parents have paid to put Sky in their bedroom, and can therefore have a cheeky hungover shuffle under blankets to her after a Friday night binge. Hell's Bells! Plus there's no doubt she's a big football fan. Would you want that in a woman? I want a lass who doesn't realize, or turns a blind eye to, what goes on on a Saturday afternoon. I don't want arguments about suspect offsides or refereeing decisions with me lass. She should be talking about nondescript womanly things that mean the world to her kind and not that much to us, as you drift out and give the telly your focus, occasionally agreeing when it sounds like she requires a response... "Are you fucking listening to me?!" That's a lass. Not a fucking gobshite Torquay United supporter. Oh, and she drives a better car than you in her Austen Martin, which she seems to mention at least twice in an episode.
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| Erm...she's not that fit |
2) The word 'Soccer' is in the title - Welcome to Britain, don't use that word.
3) It's A Shite Baddiel and Skinner -Follows the Fantasy Football League mantra but at least that was on late so they could be rude and say naughty words, thus providing the odd giggle. Plus that finished many moons ago. They had the foresight to realise FFL was growing old and outdated and put a bullet in its head. There's no such luck with Soccer AM. Yet.
4) Celebrity Guests - From trendy teen bands or cult television programmes proving that Soccer AM has it's finger on the cusp of what's hip and now. But they're usual boring as fuck, attempting to add to the atmosphere with funny comments that no one finds funny. What is funny however is that they always support tMan Utd/City, Liverpool, Chelsea or Arsenal.
5) Pat McGroin / Hairy Strikers / Frankie Frier - Unoriginal. Unfunny.
6) The Full Kit Wankers of the week - Blackburn Rovers, Aston Villa, Crew Alex et al. They've all been on. Eight of your clubs twatty supporters who wear the full kit with no shame - and at least three of them are usually fucking massive. They make a bit of noise and grunt/cheer during the interviews to ensure the 'banter' reaches fever pitch. They also get to sing about how great their support is for their club, although by the looks of some of them Soccer AM is the only awayday they've ever been on.
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| Millwalls Finest |
7) Tim Lovejoy - Obviously he's not on it anymore but Soccer AM gave this cretin the platform to carve out a career in TV. Once upon a time it was just the armchair fans who subscribed to SKY who were stuck with him, but now the prick is exposed to the nation on terrestrial channels. Arrogant and ignorant, this child of the Premier League calls himself a massive football supporter, but openly admits he's clueless about anything going on below 20th place in the EPL. Has been interviewed many times and always says the same, that big money, foreign owners and expensive import signings are good for the game. By game he means the top division. Was allowed to preach this opinion from his pedestal for too long, spokesperson for the glamerous Premier League and modern football. A puppet for Sepp Blatter, footsoldier for Roman Abramovich etc. When he left Soccer AM he stated that hardest thing ''Is the thought that I might no longer be influencing the game'' - with statements like that he deserves his gay sit in with Simon Rimmer on whatever fucking channel is showing them cook shite on a Sunday.
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| Love's Rimmer |
8) Anyone Presenting Who Isn't Tim Lovejoy - There's people who have sat next to Helen instead of him, trying to actually emulate the cunt.
9) It's Pointless - Another one of Sky's measures in their reinvention of football, along with early kick offs, Monday night fixtures, Gary Neville deconstructing goals and moves with painful and needless accuracy, and Sky Sports News. One of those 'glamerous' extras we must live with to watch the beautiful game whilst Sky has it in the palm of its cold hard hand.
10) It Goes On and On - It's on a LONG fucking time. Instead of watching that shite, why not do a few jobs in that time for the missus to get in her good books, and then use that window gained in the afernoon to spend a fiver and go watch your local non league club?
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Wimbledon v Franchise MK
The FA Cup tie that should never have been if the FA had done its job in 2002. The soul of a South London community ripped away and relocated 70 miles north in Milton Keynes, twinned with Middle Earth. A disgusting and unfeasible idea that somehow came true. An appalling excuse for a football club, taking the heritage and history of Wimbledon FC to get their place in the Football League, and then throw it away once established. Merton Council became the proud owners of replica FA Cups and the like and they kindly passed them on to the breakaway club - AFC Wimbledon.
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AFC have since become everyone's second favourite team. A football club run like what a football club should be run like, by the fans for the fans. They've been used as a template for other supporters fed up with their lot (FC United) or fans who's clubs require rising from the ashes of going bust (Halifax, Chester etc.). Starting out at the lowest level they've fought their way back into the Football League within the decade since formed.
And yesterday the two entities that were once Wimbledon FC came together in the FA Cup second round. Myself, like countless others, tuned in to ITV as an honoury Womble for the day. Many actual Wimbledon fans boycotted the event, unable to face the scene of the crime. Many did make the journey and were in superb voice - no mean feat given many were wearing smog masks to protect them from toxic MK. The AFC directors themselves refused their seats in the directors box and took up residence behind the goal with the other real dons fans - all in it together. The disgusting Franchise MK fans, many of whom were no doubt 'loyal' Spurs/Arsenal/Man U fans before the 'club' formed in 2004, adopted the Millwall chant 'No One Likes Us'. True. And no one likes Millwall. But, unlike you lot, no one wishes their families dead.
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It was a decent game. AFC the plucky underdogs had the spirit of the crazy gang on their side. The veteran goalkeeper Sullivan calm and assured, the defence strong and resolute, the wingers nippy and dangerous and the forwards brave and daring. MK making me feel sick with their ex semi pro Scouse James Corden lookalike boss Karl Robinson (bet he's a hit with the ladies) and well organised team. They scored first and grudgingly it was a beauty. In a game that was 50-50, a 25 yarder from Gleeson curled past the keeper and knocked the wind out of AFC just before half time. ''You're getting beat by a Franchise'' chanted the MK parasites.
They were still reeling after the break and looked short of confidence as Franchise turned the screw and looked to go on to win. 42 year old Neil Sullivan, who's career has come full circle after being an original Wimbledon player, made a string of decent saves to keep MK away. Things looked bleak. And then AFC broke away and scored. A cross in from the lively right winger was met by a diving head from Jack Midson. Cue a mini pitch invasion from the Wombles who'd spent the best part of ten years waiting for that goal.
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Unfortunately for them, The club, fans everywhere and football in general, the celebrations were short lived. MK Dons scored a winner in the 89th minute. The underhand club scored in the most underhand way. A deflected backheel found its away past the keeper and crashed into the net. Cue delirium from a bunch of soulless wankers and cry's of anguish from every decent football supporter worldwide...
Now that the tie is over, all the best to AFC Wimbledon in whatever competition they're in and let's go on ignoring MK Dons until they go under. Don't acknowledge them.
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AFC have since become everyone's second favourite team. A football club run like what a football club should be run like, by the fans for the fans. They've been used as a template for other supporters fed up with their lot (FC United) or fans who's clubs require rising from the ashes of going bust (Halifax, Chester etc.). Starting out at the lowest level they've fought their way back into the Football League within the decade since formed.
And yesterday the two entities that were once Wimbledon FC came together in the FA Cup second round. Myself, like countless others, tuned in to ITV as an honoury Womble for the day. Many actual Wimbledon fans boycotted the event, unable to face the scene of the crime. Many did make the journey and were in superb voice - no mean feat given many were wearing smog masks to protect them from toxic MK. The AFC directors themselves refused their seats in the directors box and took up residence behind the goal with the other real dons fans - all in it together. The disgusting Franchise MK fans, many of whom were no doubt 'loyal' Spurs/Arsenal/Man U fans before the 'club' formed in 2004, adopted the Millwall chant 'No One Likes Us'. True. And no one likes Millwall. But, unlike you lot, no one wishes their families dead.
It was a decent game. AFC the plucky underdogs had the spirit of the crazy gang on their side. The veteran goalkeeper Sullivan calm and assured, the defence strong and resolute, the wingers nippy and dangerous and the forwards brave and daring. MK making me feel sick with their ex semi pro Scouse James Corden lookalike boss Karl Robinson (bet he's a hit with the ladies) and well organised team. They scored first and grudgingly it was a beauty. In a game that was 50-50, a 25 yarder from Gleeson curled past the keeper and knocked the wind out of AFC just before half time. ''You're getting beat by a Franchise'' chanted the MK parasites.
They were still reeling after the break and looked short of confidence as Franchise turned the screw and looked to go on to win. 42 year old Neil Sullivan, who's career has come full circle after being an original Wimbledon player, made a string of decent saves to keep MK away. Things looked bleak. And then AFC broke away and scored. A cross in from the lively right winger was met by a diving head from Jack Midson. Cue a mini pitch invasion from the Wombles who'd spent the best part of ten years waiting for that goal.
Unfortunately for them, The club, fans everywhere and football in general, the celebrations were short lived. MK Dons scored a winner in the 89th minute. The underhand club scored in the most underhand way. A deflected backheel found its away past the keeper and crashed into the net. Cue delirium from a bunch of soulless wankers and cry's of anguish from every decent football supporter worldwide...
Now that the tie is over, all the best to AFC Wimbledon in whatever competition they're in and let's go on ignoring MK Dons until they go under. Don't acknowledge them.
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Last Pub Before Norway
Newbiggin-by-the-sea in Northumberia. A deceased Victorian seaside town home to high unemployment and a, quite frankly, frightening sculpture of 'The Couple' looking out to sea. It's also home to the 'Last Pub before Norway', namely the Cresswell Arms. Perched right on the edge of the Town, just shy of the Haven caravan site situated on the dunes, the Cressie isn't a looker and anyone without a local accent would probably turn round and go home thirsty. But there's a warm atmosphere inside, the locale being of the more mature in nature, and the ale is more than passable. There's also a good view of the North Sea battering both members of the couple like a third party in the bedroom. May as well get another round in, 'cause it's a bloody long way to the next boozer...
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